I AM BLUE

The waves constantly crashed onto each other not sparing me their saltiness. I watch as the Dolphins jump around in glee with the sun reflecting its ray on their shimmery body & the euphoria ends for me as I watch them drop back inside the ocean.
How long I’ve been here, I do not know, but let’s say I’ve been here since I last felt alive.

The memories of my childhood flash past my eyes & I feel transported back in time.
The giggles & chuckles arising from being tickled made me laugh so hard, even though I’m not the one being tickled. I’ve always been one to be extremely happy for others, no matter how trivial the cause of the happiness might be. Soon it gets my turn, and I feel myself being lifted high in the air as I get thrown up & down several times, and soon my face gets filled with patches of kisses.
I grew up this way. Full of Hope while being young, dumb & living carefree. I lived, oblivious to the opposites of happiness. And the world seems to be in sync while deceiving me of the truth.
I’ve always been complimented on how gorgeous I look and I didn’t bother to look in the mirror for myself.
Then came that night. The day flowed in its normal course, but something seems off with the wind. Retiring into my room after a long day, my heart finally falls in sync with the restlessness that came with the wind.
The restlessness I’ve been ignoring since the clock hits Zero o' clock. Something keeps tugging at my heart as i pace up & down in my room & suddenly I feel the force of the rushing wind on my face as it blasts through my window, dishelveling everything in my room.
My head starts to feel lighter & I feel the weights being lifted off my feet and that’s when I realized I’m also a part of my room, floating about. I started to panic but a sudden calmness finds my heart, as if my heart already know what was going to happen next.
The wind doesn’t seem to stop raging but it gently transport me to the front of that object I’ve never looked at, since my existence.
I screamed out in fear as I hurriedly opened my eyes to get a hold of my surroundings when I realized that I’ve been dreaming but my room tells me otherwise. Everything looks the same as from my dream & more shocking is that I’m exactly in that position I was in last, before I woke up. Did I really fall asleep?
I hurriedly close my eyes, as the image of what I was about seeing replayed in my head. With speed to my legs, I ran out of the rooms till I couldn’t run anymore. This nightmare keeps coming every night & it soon turns into a vision I can’t escape from.
Then I made up my mind to put an end to it. It came as it always did and I didn’t fight it this time.
The winds raged so hard that my ears became numb but at the same time, it sends a stilling shiver in my heart. I’m in front of the object for the hundredth time & I don’t close my eyes to it.
My mouth opened in shock, as I came face to face with me. I never knew that the facts about my beauty were this true & I passed out from shock.
I soon got used to seeing myself on that piece of glass every morning & night, and I thought it must only be for my fave.

Then came the day I took it out of my room, while still looking at my face, I caught the reflection of another face & I dropped the mirror in shock. That wasn’t supposed to happen, I thought.
I’ve been used to seeing myself alone in the mirror that I didn’t care about the fact that it reflects everything within its reach.
I picked up the broken pieces of the mirror and what I saw scared me. It wasn’t myself I saw but a whole lot of scary shades of faces staring right back at me.

I’ve been lied to all my life and I don’t know how to hold on to the strong waves of the opposites crashing onto me.
Turns out I’m not allergic to bad dreams after all. I count the seconds, minutes & days as I watch my existence fade away along with the passing of time.
My world of fairytales comes crashing down as I watch my happiness slip away. The mirror still lies where it’s broken as it doesn’t reflect my face anymore, rather it shows all of the emotions I haven’t been true to and emotions I’ve learned to shun because it doesn’t fit my 'happy' personality.
How do I learn to accept this new reality, since I can’t escape it anymore? In the midst of the crisis I’m going through, no one saw through that cheery facade around me. I have no one else to reach out to, except the broken pieces.

Everyone around me is so happy and I wonder if they’ve ever been in this state I am in right now, as I remember that I’ve always been happy too. But now, I’ve been shown the opposite and the lights and love I’ve always received are no more.

Now, the hazy Shadow follows my trail and I’m Left with a blue question mark.
My heart still beats but the coldness of the sea has weakened its beats.

The Dolphins continue their joyful play till dusk and everywhere became still with the blueness of the sunset sky, dipping its last end in the sea. I hold onto the last ray of the sunlight and I hope to be free from my blues someday.

You must have heard of the word "I’m feeling blue". It’s another way of expressing our thoughts when feeling gloomy and we don’t want to brazenly say the word "sad".

*****************************************

Photo by luis enrique on Unsplash

Being sad is a part of what makes us and the countless list of emotions, either good or bad. More so, we can’t shy away from negative emotions Being sad is a feeling we can’t escape, as we are bound to experience it once in a while. In our daily lives, we experience a range of emotions, from being all smiley, cheery & happy, etc, & we’ve got opposites too. However, it’s quite saddening that most times, the opposites are buried away because they might seem abnormal.

Every emotion has significance even the unwanted ones, but we can’t help feeling the way we feel at times because we can’t control the circumstances.

We all strive to be happy & we work hard to let our happiness rub off on others most times, but have we ever looked deep to check what fuels our happiness?

Happiness might come from doing what you love or being made happy. Whatever makes you happy is fine as long as you’re happy, but have you ever given thought to "happiness being faked"?

The feeling of gloominess, sorrow, uneasiness, anxiety, melancholy & sadness tug at our hearts on daily basis, but we often shy away from them and cover them up with a facade of happiness.
They won’t just go away just because you wish them away, you’ll always come back home after the high ride of happiness to meet them in the darkroom you’ve locked them in.

Feeling blue is a signal that something isn’t right with our lives and there must be a reason why we feel that way.
The journey to finding happiness again deals with identifying the cause of "our blue" & making changes to help us feel better.
In the process of sorting out our emotions, we bring ourselves to understand our being better & we might realize how much we’ve been holding back ourselves. We might be feeling anxious because we are afraid of losing our treasures, once they found out our true selves behind the facade of happiness.
It is okay to be broken because there is a ‘beautiful' in it. You only need to open up your mind to truly see the treasure that lies within the broken & sad you.
Being truthful to yourself might bring you more blues. All the love & light might flee from you and everything may seem to fall apart but console yourself with the fact "you’re being true to yourself" & that should be a root to you sorting out your feelings and getting happy again.
Discover your own way of dealing with your blues and don’t silence their voices.

You can still light up the blue sky!

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
COLD LIPS

//Creative// //Storyteller//….Funny how everything that happens in life are told as stories. Anyways, I tell my stories and yours too.